Who am I as a communicator?

I chose to let my husband and my mother-in-law take the tests to evaluate me as a communicator. My husband and I were within a few points of each other on both the communication anxiety inventory and the verbal aggressiveness scale and the same group for the listening styles profile. I expected this to be the case since we have known each other for 18 years and married 10 years. I have to communicate with him on many different levels about many different topics. It was actually reassuring that he had the same perceptions as I have of myself. My mother-in-law's scores were lower on the first two and the same group on the last one. On the communication anxiety inventory she placed me 12 points lower than I scored myself. This tells me that she perceives me as a confident communicator who is comfortable communicating on all levels. This is not the case in all situation and I often have anxiety about speaking to groups; however, I do try hard not to let others see my anxiety. So, although our scores were vastly different, I am thankful that others perceive me as a confident communicator.

I have learned that even though you have moments when communicating with others can cause you to feel anxious, it is still possible to be an effective, confident communicator.

Communicating Differently

Since becoming an educator, I take pride in the way I communicate with others. I often find myself thinking of what I am saying before I say it and even correcting myself when I say something that I think may not make sense to the person I am speaking to. My family is made up of different abilities, political beliefs, and races. I believe the only situation that I communicate differently is when concerning different abilities. I would explain something a little more or speak a little slower if needed. A good example of this is with my grandmother. She grew up in a completely different generation than I did, so when talking about technology or something that she is not familiar with, I have to explain things usually numerous times and in simple terms.  A recent example of this is when she asked me something that she could get my nine year old son and his cousin that is the same age, I mentioned that an Itunes gift card would be something that I thought they both could use to get music for their Ipods. She said, " a what card for their I- what." She had no idea what Itunes or Ipods were.

Within my neighborhood, there are many races, religions, political views, abilities, and other differences. When having neighborhood gatherings, I find myself communicating with others differently than I would communicate with close friends or family. I am more careful about what I say because I am not sure how other people feel or think about certain situations. When around people that I am comfortable with, I communicate more openly and more expressive with my feelings. At these gatherings, I find myself being more of a listener and taking in what other people are saying. Listening to others helps me to learn more about them.

There are some strategies that could help me communicate more effectively in these situations. First, I could learn more about the backgrounds of the people I plan to communicate with. Understanding their culture can help me feel more comfortable when communicating with them. When communicating with people of different abilities, it may be helpful to have other tools/props when explaining something to them. It would have helped my grandmother to take her to the store and show her what kind of gift card was correct or show her what an I pod looks like. Last, it would be helpful to find something that I have in common with my neighbors, so that we can begin our conversation with something that we feel comfortable talking about. This would establish a commonality between us and help us to communicate effectively.

Communication on Television

I chose to watch the talk show "The View" on ABC. If you know anything about this show the hosts talk about all the hot news topics at the beginning of the show and many times the discussions get pretty heated. So, I decided to watch this show without sound to watch for nonverbal behaviors. I noticed that Joy and Elizabeth seemed to use their hands to talk more than the others. Sherri tends to make facial expressions when talking about something she is passionate or upset about. I saw her roll her eyes and have looks of disgust at one point in the show. Whoopi seems to sit with a more relaxed posture than the others. Barbara being the oldest and most experienced host seems to have most mature upright posture. At one point in the show, Elizabeth seems to be talking loudly as she gets a little red on the face and neck. Before the show takes commerial breaks, I notice that they leave for break all smiling and happy.

After watching the show with sound, I noticed that Joy talks with her hands a good bit trying to be funny and add humor to the show, where as Elizabeth uses her hands and talks louder when talking about a topic that she knowledgeable about such as politics. Sherri gets upset when talking about a racial issue in public schools. She doesn't like a comment made by Whoopi about not understanding why African Americans are so upset about it. She rolls her eyes as if to disagree without saying anymore. Barbara Walters is a well-known news anchor who seems to just deliver the facts with very little emotion or opinion.

I assumed that they were all talking about topics that they were knowledgeable about or things that they were interested in after watching them. However, many times they were just mentioning items that are in the news or entertainment topics. I do think that assumptions would be easier if I watched the show regularly. I have seen the show a few times before, but it has been awhile. I was familiar with the format of the show which helped me understand it a little more; however, not hearing what they were saying made it hard to determine the meaning of the nonverbal communication.

Communication

The person that I think demonstrates competent communication is my aunt Marchai. She is a very successful business woman who has traveled the world for different companies throughout her life. She has a wonderful presence about her and brightens every room that she enters. When she speaks to you, she speaks with such sophistication yet makes you feel like what you have to say is valued and important. She is well spoken, a great listener, makes eye contact when talking to you, and shares her knowledge in a respectful way. She is well known for her services within her career and motivates the people around her.

I would love to model my communication behaviors after my aunt. I would love to have the confidence that she has when she speaks to people.  Because she is so confident, people look to her for advice, ideas, and comments on any given topic. This confidence, along with her body language, eye contact, knowledge, and bubbly personality makes her an amazing communicator, and someone I would like to model my communication skills from.